Don't ever kid yourself.

Today, I put Television City Dream by Screeching Weasel in my discman to take the train home. It had been a long time since I had heard that record. It's probably Weasel's best output. What a great album.
There's this song on it, it's the second track on the album, and it's called Speed Of Mutation.
I used to listen to that song a lot (like, A LOT) around the time I finished high school. It meant something to me back then. You know, "don't question speed of mutation". The transition and change from high school regular to college n00b happened fast. That's one thing. The other thing is that I can really relate to the rest of the lyrics. I will post them here because they are fucking awesome.
It only seems to happen at 3 or 4 AM
Some blurry half formed picture of some half forgotten friend
becomes clear, but I can't hold it. It happens in my dreams.
I can't remember what it was that meant so much.

Don't question speed of mutation.

Even a rotten creep can have moments sweet and pure.
I lay there, something missing. What happened to that girl?
Is she okay or is she just a face in the crowd?
Why can't I think of what it was that mean so much?

Don't question speed of mutation.

Why do I wake up feeling that I've lost something big?
Why do I try to hold on to things that don't exist?
I keep on asking myself: what happened to that girl?
They're moments that I make up.
They're moments, sweet and pure.

Don't ever try to find something you left behind.
Don't ever try to make a memory into something.
Don't ever fool yourself, it always disappears.
Don't ever kid yourself, there's no girl of your dreams.

Don't question speed of mutation.
Basically, this song makes more sense now than it has ever done. I'm not going into details because that's not what this blog is about.

I wanted to post this song because it's one of those songs that make me cringe and scream along desperately. I thought it'd be interesting to list some songs that aren't all happy-go-lucky like pop music usually is. So yeah… I also made a mixtape out of it, while I'm at it.

Songs that make me cringe when I'm sober and make me cry when I'm drunk.
1. Screeching Weasel - Speed Of Mutation
See above. "Don't ever kid yourself, there's no girl of your dreams." reminds me of the truth every fucking time. God I'm lonely.
2. Jawbreaker - Want
First song on the first album from one of the most prominent 90s emo bands. This is real, brother. "It may sound absurd…"
3. Banner Pilot - Milemarking
Not entirely sure on what it's about, but it's great and it does the trick. "If I could just stay awake!"
4. Alkaline Trio - Radio
This meant a lot to me when my heart got broken. "I've got a big fat fucking bone to pick with you, my darling."
5. The Manges - Don't Tell Anyone
"I'm afraid I never will have the guts to tell her I feel like this. But I feel like this". Story of my life. I like repeated ending phrases. I don't mind no Italian accent.
6. Brand New - Soco Amaretto Lime
I'm becoming 20 this year. Fuck that. "We'll never miss a party cause we keep them going constantly."
7. Defiance, Ohio - Road Signs Always Look Better Looking Over Your Shoulder
I'd like to go away sometimes. A lot of times. "To run away is victory, a tank of gas is freedom and a starry night and open road is hope." Fuck yeah.
8. The Get Up Kids - I'll Catch You
The first notes already get me. Please, don't even sing, it'll destroy me. "Don't worry, I'll catch you."
9. Tigers Jaw - Never Saw It Coming
Must have listened to this song a billion times. "I learned a lot about falling in love when I fell out of love." So true. So true.
10. Touché Amoré - Suckerfish
God damnit. They were amazing live. "When I'm at my worst, comes someone who I don't deserve."
11. The Ergs! - Every Romance Language
This may sound really cool, and it does, but it is just another fuck you. "You're not here, I'm not sober, it's not 1998."
12. Team Stray - Forget You
Turn the volume up high and sing along. Not difficult, but to the point. "I still can't forget you now that you're gone."
13. The Ataris - Song #13
"END IS FOREVER." More angry than the previous songs. But less angry than the following ones. The album should've ended with this, not "Hello And Goodbye"
14. Modern Life Is War - First And Ellen
Goddamn. "Have you ever felt like you've wasted your life searching for something that you can't find?" What a throat. "Kill the doubt inside your head. We overcome, we push ahead."
15. Killing The Dream - Thirty Four Seconds
This makes me destroy stuff. "Every word I wrote for you." FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
16. The Carrier - Memoirs
Epic. Gives shivers. "You're all I'll ever know." Fuck it dude, I'm sobbing away.
17. American Nightmare - Farewell
That's it. I'm done. I'm gonna drink more beer and cry. "Faster words and faster kids, faster songs and faster ends."

Voila. Download it. If you want to.

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